Crazy Emmett tale
by Destiney Hope
Summary: on the night when the Cullens first met Alice and Jasper. Emmett decides to tell a few stories from when he was human . This was not written by me but by my friend who isn't a member and i said i'd put it up for her . be nice and dont flame


EMMETT'S MEMORIES ( i dont own twilight and never will )

"Someone's coming," hissed Edward

"probably just the postman," Emmett said. "Can i kill him?"

"Emmett," Carlisle said sternly. "What have i told you about killing the postman?"

Emmett huffed in defeat. Killing the postman was on his list of things he isn't allowed to do. Rosalie stroked his hair gently.

"Don't worry Em. You know we don't eat humans," Rosalie crooned softly.

"Never liked the postman when i was human," Emmett complained. "He almost killed my goldfish!"

Edward burst out laughing.

"how did he almost kill your goldfish?" Esme asked.

"I was out playing with Bubbles and then the postman came. He never liked me after i kicked that football in his face," Emmett retold. "so he thought it'd be funny to step on Bubbles,"

"How did he almost kill...Bubbles?" Esme asked.

She looked unsure about the answer that was to come.

"I bit his leg," Emmett shrugged.

They roared with laughter. Just then the door went. Edward was there first. He answered and found two vampires standing at the doorway the female smiled.

"we've come to seek a shelter for the night," she explained

"Welcome," Carlisle gestured. "i warn you that we only eat animals,"

The boy looked uneasy about this.

"we know. I'm Kayla," she chimed. "And this is my partner Liam,"

Jasper eased the tension. Edward looked into their minds.

"It is true!" he declared. "They have come watch the way we eat- they are intrude by it,"

"Aww!" Emmett moaned. "I still haven't killed the postman that stepped on my cat- Tinker Bell!"

"How many postmen do you want to kill?" asked Rosalie.

"At least five!"

"Why?"

"The one who tried to kill Bubbles, the one who stepped on Tinker, the one who kicked me in the privates," Emmett recounted. "the one that kept on delivering next doors post- i never got that Barbie doll i sent for and the one who tried chatting me up- he was either gay or a nutter or i looked like a girl..."

Kayla and Liam stared. Edward chuckled. Jasper looked at Alice who smiled

"Yes i have to agree with you Jasper- Emmett's not right in the head," Edward chuckled. "And yes i can read what you're thinking at this very moment,"

"It's not my fault i got kicked in the head!" Emmett cried.

**Emmett's memories.**

**The Postman Event.**

**Postman number 1.**

"C'mon on Bubbles!" i tried to encourage my goldfish. "Jump through the hoop!"

The gate creaked open at Mr. Postman walked up the path. He stopped and walked towards me. He raised his foot over Bubble's bowl. I screamed and leapt on his leg. I wrapped my arms and legs around him and sunk my teeth into his thigh. I got grounded for that.

**Postman number 2.**

"oh look it's that new postman!" i cried looking out of the window. "Mum he's walking right towards Tinker!"

"I'm sure Tinker's just lying across the path," mum replied dully.

"She's not! She's not! She's lying beside the bush!" i wailed. "He's going to kill her because i bit his brother!"

I opened the window and climber out it. I leapt on the back of the postman and pulled him by the hair over to the path. He was just about to raise his foot over Tinker.

"Get away from my kitty-cat!" i screamed. "Why do you hate my pets?"

"Gettoff kid!" the postman grunted.

Got grounded again.

**Postman number 3.**

I was a young teenager by this time. I was leaning against the fence waiting on my mate when the postman walked towards me. As he past he kicked me in the nuts. I yelled a lot of swear words that day. Our old neighbour laughed at me. I swore some more. I then grabbed (me being really strong at my age) the postman and pulled him back.

"Why the –(swore)- did ya do that?" i snarled through my teeth.

"After what you did to my uncle and my father," the postman shrugged.

He kicked me again. I punched and guess what. I got grounded!

**Postman number 4.**

i was waiting for the mail i'd sent for. I saw the box (i saw my name on) the postman looked at the address and went next door. I walked over to the fence.

"Why don't you just give me our post the now- you know save time?" i suggested.

He smiled and put their mail AND our mail through the door. He walked off whistling. Jeez are all them postmen related or something? I thought. I went to next door and knocked.

"Excuse but i believe you have my post," i said politely.

"Yes my granddaughter is very pleased with the Barbie doll," Mrs. Cock replied.

"Hey that's for my little cousin!" i shouted randomly.

Got grounded for yelling and disturbing the neighbours.

**Postman number 5**

I was hanging about outside when yet another postman came walking down our path. He smiled at me. This one sounded sane.

"Hello there son," he greeted me. "You look hot! Mind i have a look at your fit looking chest?"

I stared at him. He's kidding right i thought!

"No," i said.

"Wanna date?" he suddenly asked me.

"I'm... um.. seeing someone," i gabbled quickly. "Yeah- im seeing this total babe- you no model type,"

He looked downhearted but i was scared of him.

"You sure we can't have an affair?" he asked.

"NO!" i yelped. "I'm not gay or a nutter okay! Now give me the mail before i do what i did to the other postmen before ya!"

He shoved me the mail and ran off wailing. Got grounded for telling 'lies'. This is getting stupid now!

**Normal**

Emmett finished his tale. The others burst out laughing. Edward had read his mind as he told his tale so he was laughing the hardest.

**I'll try and think up more mishaps of the CULLEN family people;). Please drop me a comment.**


End file.
